I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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