So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
