You smell like stripper and shame
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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