The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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