Who wears a wallet chain?!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
