Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
That accounts for only three of the penises
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
