I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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