Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
