shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
