I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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