thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I want to have your abortion
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
