If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
