I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
