i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
