Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
