i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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