He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My penis needs a shock collar
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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