I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
