gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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