I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize