just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
