Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
