When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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