I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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