finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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