The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i think my cat just said my name.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
