yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
