I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize