i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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