Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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