Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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