so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
