What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
