I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
