that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
