I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize