god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
