Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
