Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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