I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We had to coat check the pizza.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
