You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
