Ambien. No doubt about it.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
