Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize