That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
