Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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