maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
