i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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