I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
