Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
