the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
