We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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