You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
