You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
