I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
