And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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