Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
