you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
