More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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