I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
