What did we do last night that was yellow?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
