I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
