6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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