cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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