I wannas sexs uuuuu
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
