I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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