We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
