Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
