I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Randomize
