i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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