Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
