Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
