I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize