I'll bet she douches with gravy.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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