I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
