I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Plan B is the new Plan A
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize