haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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