apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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