gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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