i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
