The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Randomize
