Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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