She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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