We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
