I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she smelled like a LAN party
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
