no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
