Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
