She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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